


Not the Kids They Used to Be

by pushupindrag



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3681528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pushupindrag/pseuds/pushupindrag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve walks in on Bucky shaving his head, and it might just turn out to be therapeutic for both of them.</p>
<p>
  <i>Steve walks in on Bucky in the bathroom. He’s got clippers shaking in one hand while the metal one is clamped firmly on the sinks rim.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not the Kids They Used to Be

**Author's Note:**

> Un-beta'd so any mistakes are purely my own, so please tell me if you find any :)

Steve walks in on Bucky in the bathroom. He’s got clippers shaking in one hand while the metal one is clamped firmly on the sinks rim. He’s breathing harshly, body jumping as he stares at himself in the mirror above the sink.

Steve backs away a little, Bucky hadn’t noticed him yet, and watches to see what the ex-assassin will do. At this point he was a danger to himself on occasion, but Steve liked to give his friend the benefit of the doubt. Bucky had only been back with them for two months, and still preferred to be called Barnes, but he didn’t seem to mind if Steve ever accidentally slipped and called him Bucky. He was never going to be Bucky again, but Steve didn’t mind. He wasn’t really Steve Rogers any more either, not fully anyway. They weren’t the kids they used to be. So he watches and waits to see what would happen. Bucky had been regaining memories in large hauls these past three weeks and it seemed to be wrecking him from the inside, he would only just let Steve help, choosing to try and help himself and only let Steve in when it got dark. Maybe this was part of the process.

Finally, Bucky seems to make a decision and takes the clippers to his hair, shaving a large strip right down the middle. When it doesn’t all go, he grunts and slams the appliance down, picking up the kitchen scissors that have fallen into the sink to hack viciously at the strands around his face. Grabbing at handfuls of hair, he chops and hacks until his hair is tufty all over. Steve peers at his face in the mirror and Bucky looks oddly smug, before going back to shaving his head. Now he’s methodical, starting from the right to the left. Going over the lines he makes until there are only a few millimeters of hair left.

“You want me to get the back Barnes?” Steve finally lets himself ask, and Bucky doesn’t even stir  
“Sure” He sounds calm, and hands the clippers over with only a hint of shiftiness in his eyes.  
“I’m gonna talk you through okay” Steve regards Bucky’s caution and suspicion, and waits until Bucky nods his agreement. Steve makes a show of starting the clippers up again, letting the buzz steady his hand as the soft sound fills the otherwise quiet bathroom.

“Okay, I’m gonna do the right side first” Steve lets the clippers cut at Bucky’s hair, straightening the lines and neatening the bits that Bucky hadn’t reached, all while trying not to press down too hard “Now I’m moving to the middle”  
“You gonna hurry up Rogers?” It’s a miracle that Steve keeps his hand steady as he chuckles, these quips had been coming more and more lately, a good indication that Bucky was getting more than just bad memories back  
“You can’t rush art Buck” Steve shoots back before freezing, biting his lip guiltily. “I’m moving onto the left side” He carries on narrating, hoping like hell that Bucky wouldn’t call him out. He doesn’t, just stays silent until Steve finishes “I’m gonna ruffle your hair okay?”   
“You can call me Bucky you know” Bucky interrupts “I don’t mind.”

Bucky turns around and takes the buzzing clippers from Steve, turning them off to put them on the counter. The silence that follows lets Steve and Bucky stare at each other  
“I really don’t mind Steve” Bucky repeats. He looks different now, and Steve concentrates on that. The lack of hair is in complete contrast to the long hair he had sported for so long, and it’s a far cry away from the quiff and polished look he had before the war. But that’s not to say that he looks terrible. Instead, he looks as though a weight’s been lifted. His eyes look lighter, eyebrows not as furrowed and face completely free of obstruction. And Steve realizes that this is Bucky’s way of reclaiming himself a little.

“You asked me to call you Barnes, I’m gonna try and respect your wishes” Steve answers the statement  
“I don’t like everybody else calling me Bucky. I didn’t like you calling me it either” Bucky leans back to lean against the sink, looking down “But it’s different now, all these memories” He trails off, looking back up at Steve who prompts him gently  
“Go on”  
“I shaved my head to get rid of some things” Bucky waves his metal hand dismissively, so Steve was right “To get rid of one of the things that identified me as the Winter Soldier” His voice is getting quiet, but Steve’s not surprised as this was the most he had spoken in all the time that he had been back “I feel like myself, just a little bit more. And you calling me Barnes doesn’t make me feel like myself” He shrugs “You never called me Barnes, not even when you were angry with me”  
“So you don’t mind me calling you Bucky?”  
“I would like you to, if that’s okay”  
“Of course it is” They grin widely at each other. “I’m always here Bucky” Steve tells him before leaving him to it, calling “You can always come to me for anything” over his shoulder as he goes. He knew that Bucky would need time to recuperate.

Later on, after Steve had escaped from Tony and Clint’s bickering downstairs, he manages to finally sit down and get a few minutes to himself before Bucky tumbles down next to him.  
“Hey Steve?” His voice is quiet again, and he sounds apprehensive so Steve turns himself fully towards him, putting his book down  
“Yer Buck?”  
“You know you said I could come to you for everything?”  
“Yes, you always can Bucky”  
“Well, I was just wondering about something” He hesitates this time, twisting his metal fingers in his flesh ones as he tries to muddle through his thoughts. He takes a deep breath “I was just wondering if I could kiss you again.”

That was extremely unexpected. Steve lets himself look Bucky over before answering  
“If you want” He leaves it up to Bucky, he wants this to be Bucky’s decision.  
“I was just asking, because I remembered our double date. With the-“ He stops to search for the word “the lesbian couple” Steve nods encouragingly ”From two blocks over. Pretending to be on dates with them so nobody would get suspicious” Laughing, Steve nods again. The date had been successful, and nobody was the wiser. “And we kissed, right in front of them and they didn’t care”  
“Yes, we did”  
“And these memories coming back. We’re together in a lot of them”  
“We were together a long time”  
“And now?”  
“Well, I was waiting for you” Steve explains. He wasn’t ashamed or going to hide it.  
“So you’re gonna kiss me and not wait any longer?”  
“If you want” Steve reiterates and smiles a little, Bucky copying him before leaning in.

It was old and new at the same time. It was so like it used to be, but scars on Bucky’s face dipped under Steve’s fingers as he brought his hands up and he spent time just running his fingers over them while Bucky brought his metal hand around to the back of Steve’s neck. It was new and different, but far from bad.

They break away and Steve ruffles his hand over Bucky’s head  
“You gonna grow it out?”  
“Not yet, I like being able to see”  
“Alright”  
“Steve?”  
“Yes?”  
“I’m always here for you too.”


End file.
